I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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