Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
