Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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