Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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