Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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