I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize