Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
