I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
