Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
