I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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