note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
