Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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