i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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