Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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