i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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