That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize