WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
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I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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