In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
