I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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