Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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