"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
