That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
