the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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