So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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