The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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