Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
