I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
