I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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