i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
