If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
