I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
