Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
