you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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