Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
