I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
