Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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