Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
