Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
