I'm really into asian looking animals
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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