Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds