Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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