AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.