I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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