Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
