When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
