no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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