I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
