I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
