Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
