There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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