now i know why i became what i already was.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
