Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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