It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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