The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just found puke in my bra..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
