the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
