It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
