I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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