The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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