Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
