kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
