so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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