Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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