So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
