I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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