Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
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