CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
